Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
