Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
