If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
