Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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