The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
two words: eviction party
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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