considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
