A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize