Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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