So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
