feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
