hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize