I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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