I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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