So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
