Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
