i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
