Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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