as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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