On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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