There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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