Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
