yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
