That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
