; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
