Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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