so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
