I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Buhtt sex?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
