People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
