Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
