i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
