when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
