Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize