Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
