everyone is single if you try hard enough
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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