Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
