Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
