I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
