He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
