Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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