Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
