Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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