Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
