sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
