she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
