I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
