tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
