Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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