I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
