Screwed.edu
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
