Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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