Already got asked if we're dating
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
