I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
