he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
