Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
