Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
