Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
