You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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