I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
