in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
