My nipple is on Facebook.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
