just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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