I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
