My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
