she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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