Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
