My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
