they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
