yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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