It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
